i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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