Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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