vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Drunk is a universal language darling
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
