Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
