you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
