Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
