you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Shitshow foam night was such a success
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have feelings that need drinking.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
