How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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