Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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