He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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