Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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