Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
