Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
