I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
