Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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