u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
