So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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