so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
