we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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