Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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