I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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