Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
