Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
