i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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