Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
