I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
