The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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