so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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