My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
time to smoke my breakfast
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Text me some of your sweat
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