Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I didn't notice because vodka
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
