laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize