I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
