I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize