allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
