someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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