i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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