whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
