I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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