I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
