I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
