Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
