Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
