saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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