Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
