I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
