i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
