And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
