I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
