I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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