Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
