I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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