there's paper in my vomit.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
