just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
