sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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