it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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