I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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