I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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