How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
