Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
