it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize