Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's blow job season.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
