I faked an abortion last night.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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