True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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