Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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