I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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