I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
