FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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