If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
