What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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