I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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