When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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