yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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