Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
