This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize