apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
