i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
