Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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