the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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