i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
