I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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