I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
