How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
