Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
