He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
